My Blog

I created a humongous monster that I cannot even slay.

I have no plans on slaying it though. It makes me real and
logical.

The journey between emotions is very near yet so freaking
hard.

How about personality?

How would I handle the situation if I acted differently?

Or is this my defense mech that I had been making all my
life.

Its not about ME that concerns this blog.

It’s like I’m relating myself to another creature that
boggles my mind right of this moment. I am now putting myself in its shoes or
tentacles.

This is how it goes.

I have not have chance saying
sorry to myself for what I have said that night. Its like, I never thought the
issue of blank means a lot to me. It sucks I know. But I have this tendency to over analyze and always think of myself as a victim. I’m slowly losing friends. Or
maybe I have never thought of them as my friends. How sad.

Well, I’m bad.

I am paranoiac.

I always think of other
people saying bad about me. I cannot blame them. There is always vengeance. (But
this people who I thought betrayed me considered me as a friend, how could I turn
my back from them because of my stupid pride?). It’s not stupid. I know. I’m
always right. I’ve never been wrong. I’ve read so many books and I know a lot
of things. No fickle minded can topple me and even tell me what to think or
do. I don’t listen to criticisms, I am perfect.

Blah blah blah. And the
endless chatters, nagging, simply fade away. Or did my saliva run out. Hopefully.
So that I could give peace of mind to those people. Yeah right, since when did I
care for other people?

maturity..
where does it start and where does it end?
a rush of emotions came thru me and i realized that things were different now..
i am now my own captain..
i now experience all the things i never thought existed..
yeah this is life outside my zone..
its not that hard anyway, just learn the rules and play with it..
how long will i play with it?
i don’t know..
for loneliness came and passed..
yet i survived and had been happy with all the things that happened to me…
this may not be possible if i didn’t leap beyond the fence..
truly, i have seen that world is big..
then i stopped..
thinking..
and asked myself..

now, i realized that i am not anymore a big fish in a small pond..
i am growing.. yes this is where maturity starts.. as for me.. F

good things always happen when you least expect them.. i may have one bad whole year in 2004.. but somehow i got through it.. what im gonna try to say is, stop looking for something like love… just let it find you..

"i’ve learned that things change, people change, and it doesn’t mean you forget the past or try to cover it up; it simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. letting go doesn’t mean giving up, it means accepting that some things weren’t meant to be."